The reasons for our money rows, and how to solve them

• Only 38% of couples say they don’t row about money.
• The most common topic for money rows is spending (13%), followed by the balance of financial responsibilities (8%), short term planning (6%) and giving money away (5%).
• When they row, 53% of couples come to a compromise, 21% do whatever they want anyway, 11% put off a decision, 9% say their partner wins and 7% get their own way.
• Younger people (aged 18-34) are more likely to row about most money subjects. Only 22% never disagree on money issues. They’re also least likely to compromise (47%).
• Those aged 55 and over row far less. 55% say they never disagree about money. Among those who do disagree, they’re more likely to compromise (60%).
• Those with children living at home row more about everything. Just 26% say they never disagree. They’re also less likely to compromise – only 47% do.
• Higher rate taxpayers are more likely to row about every major financial topic. Only 26% never row about money, and among those who do, only 42% compromise.

Figures from a survey of 2,000 by Opinium for HL in April 2025

Sarah Coles, head of personal finance, Hargreaves Lansdown:

“Some perfect couples never row about money. They agree on everything, and live in a beautiful harmonious bubble of joy. The rest of us are a bit more human, clashing over anything from spending to saving and debts to investments. If this is how you live, the art is to find a way to tackle these subjects and come to an agreement that leaves you both better off.

The rows

The most common topic for money rows is spending (13%), followed by the balance of financial responsibilities within the couple – and who pays for what (8%). Short term planning throws up some disagreements, when couples are trying to save towards a goal and balance it against their other needs (6%). Giving money away can cause money rows, if couples disagree about who should be receiving these gifts, and how much (5%). Other significant topics include bills – whether that’s them being missed or not having the money to pay them (4%). Debts, meanwhile, also cause arguments, particularly when someone has run them up unexpectedly (4%). And investment choices can be a hot topic for 3% of people.

Who rows the most?

Young people (aged 18-34) are more likely to row about money issues than their older counterparts. Some 16% argue about spending, 12% about the balance of responsibilities, and 10% about short term planning. One in 20 also said the main cause of money rows was bills, while just 22% said they never disagreed on money issues.

This may well be because while people are still picking up key money lessons earlier in their adult life, they can make mistakes, which can lead to disagreements. Couples can also find themselves rowing about more issues in the earlier days, before they have found a way of working with one another. This process of understanding each other can be very helpful, but it can also be negative – especially if a couple can no longer be bothered to argue with one another because they know they’ll never agree.

Those who have children living at home are also more likely to argue. This is partly a function of the fact that they tend to be younger, and still on a steep learning curve. However, there are also the additional complications that come with children – from having to spread your income to cover more outgoings, to possibly having to deal with periods where your incomes are lower or more unbalanced.

Higher rate taxpayers tend to argue more about money than basic rate taxpayers. They’re more likely to row about every major financial topic, but the biggest gaps are spending at 18% v 12%, giving money away at 9% v 4%, and investment choices at 7% v 2%. This doubtless reflects the fact that they’re most likely to be investors. Other disagreements may come down to the fact there’s a little more wiggle room in their budgets, so they have more freedom to make decisions, and where there are more options there’s also more potential for disagreements.

How do we solve it?

Among those who admit they disagree about money, 53% say they end it by compromising. This is slightly more common among men (55%) than women (51%), and those over the age of 55 (60% compared to 54% of those aged 35-54 and 47% of those aged 18-34). 

The next most common approach is for both parties just to go away and do whatever they want anyway. Overall 21% of people do this, and the younger we are, the more likely this is. This could be because our finances can become more intertwined as we get older, particularly if one of us is earning and the other taking a career break to care – or where one has the lion’s share of the pension income. Younger people may simply have more freedom to do what they like.

11% of people put off doing anything at all. It can be a useful way to take the heat out of a discussion, but it’s important not to keep putting difficult decisions off, or talking yourself to a standstill. It’s key that couples have an eye on building emergency savings, putting aside money into pensions and investing for the future, and some teething problems shouldn’t stand in your way.

Other couples have a less balanced result, with 9% saying they always get their own way and 7% saying their partner does. This is fairly similar across men and women, and different age groups, and similar between parents and non-parents. Different things work for different couples. However, if your partner always gets their own way, or you always steamroller the result you want, there’s a risk you’re doing the wrong thing, and not considering both your needs. Everyone should be engaged with their finances and making decisions about their own futures, regardless of the personalities involved.

10 useful techniques

1. Talk about money as openly as possible. Your conversations should cover not just where you both stand right now, but also your attitude towards money in general, and what your goals are. It can help you highlight any differences, so you can find ways to work around them, rather than letting them lie at the heart of every argument you ever have about money.
2. If you’re falling out over the balance of responsibilities, work out whether there’s enough common ground for you to bring your finances together completely. Joint finances can help by ensuring you both have complete clarity, and can discuss every decision. However, it doesn’t work for everyone.
3. If bills are causing arguments, prioritise the basics. Some things aren’t a matter of opinion, so can be brought together and automated, so you don’t fall short. Have a joint account for bills, and set up direct debits into this account on payday, and then out to pay the bills whenever they’re due. These are then rows you never need to have.
4. If you don’t agree about spending, consider keeping those aspects of your finances separate. The money that isn’t going into the bills account can then be spent on the things that make you happy, without having to agree on every penny.
5. You can do the same when it comes to giving money away. If you want to support a younger family member, for example, you can set up to pay into a Junior ISA for them each month. Your partner doesn’t have to give up any of their assets.
6. If debts are an issue, set some financial ground rules for your separate finances. You need rules about things like debt and the money you’re putting into the bills account, and ensure you talk to each other in plenty of time if it looks like you’re going to fall foul of those rules. We all make mistakes, but we need to commit to being honest when we do.
7. If short-term planning like savings is causing rows, have conversations about those too. Ideally you can have joint savings towards joint goals – although you don’t need to keep this in a joint savings account. You can set up direct debits so this happens without you having to think about it.
8. You need to think about investing for longer-term goals, and consider stocks and shares ISAs. It can make perfect sense to hold them separately, but talk about your objectives together. You should also have conversations about how you want retirement to look, what you’re doing to make this happen and how much you’re contributing to a pension or SIPP.
9. Work around long-term disagreements. We don’t always have the same views about balancing long- and short-term priorities. You can’t force this to happen, but you need to stick to your own plans, and be clear about the consequences.
10. Revisit the conversations afterwards. Have you come to a compromise you’re both happy with? Have you had to give something up you’re not comfortable with? There’s compromise in every relationship, but if it’s always you doing the running, think about what you’re giving up