Are money compromises costing you dear?

• Only 38% of couples say they don’t row about money.
• Among those who do, 53% of couples come to a compromise, 21% do whatever they want anyway, 11% put off a decision, 9% say their partner wins and 7% get their own way.
• Men are more likely to say they compromise than women (55% compared to 51%).
• The older we are, the more likely we are to compromise (47% of those aged 18-34, 54% of those aged 35-54 and 60% of those aged 55 and over).
• The most common topic for money rows is spending (13%), followed by the balance of financial responsibilities (8%), short term planning (6%) and giving money away (5%).

Figures from a survey of 2,000 by Opinium for HL in April 2025

Sarah Coles, head of personal finance, Hargreaves Lansdown:

“It’s only natural that most people will disagree with their partner about money at least occasionally. Among those who row, more than half will settle disagreements by coming to some kind of compromise. However, while the right compromises can help you both make better decisions, the wrong ones can lead you horribly astray.

The rows

The most common topic for money rows is spending (13%), followed by the balance of financial responsibilities within the couple (8%). Short term planning throws up some disagreements, when couples are trying to save towards a goal and balance it against their other needs (6%). Giving money away can cause money rows, if couples disagree about who should be receiving these gifts, and how much (5%). Other significant topics include bills – whether that’s them being missed or not having the money to pay them (4%). Debts, meanwhile, also cause arguments, particularly when someone has run them up unexpectedly (4%). And investment choices can be a hot topic for 3% of people.

The benefits of compromise

Working together can leave you much better off. Separate data from the HL Savings and Resilience Barometer shows that couples who make financial decisions together are more likely to have enough savings, be on track with home ownership and pensions and have enough cash left at the end of the month to be resilient than those who leave it to one half of the couple.

You can help temper one another’s habits and impulses. If you row about financial goals, it might be because one of you wants to go on lots of holidays and one wants to stay home and save for retirement. You might find that a compromise on something in between the extremes means you can enjoy life and still be able to afford to retire.

It can also be better than the alternatives. It can be much more constructive than both parties just going away and doing whatever they want anyway, which is what 21% of couples do. The younger we are, the more likely this is, but if we do it later in life when our finances are more intertwined, we cause problems for one another financially. Even if our finances are entirely separate, it can mean we’re on a different trajectory from our partner. It can mean not being able to save towards the same goals or retire at the same time.

Meanwhile, 11% of people put off doing anything at all. It can be a useful way to take the heat out of a discussion, but it’s important not to keep putting difficult decisions off. It’s key that couples have an eye on building emergency savings, putting aside money into pensions and investing for the future in stocks and shares ISAs, and some teething problems shouldn’t stand in your way.

The risks of compromise

However, not all compromises leave you better off. If one of you is making sensible and considered decisions about their finances, a compromise could mean they’re thrown off by the faulty gut instincts of their partner. If, one of you wants to save for retirement, but the other doesn’t believe in pensions, you may end up not putting enough away between you. If one of you is keen to open a stocks and shares ISA, but the other is committed to saving for the longer term instead, you could both miss out on the huge growth potential of investing.

Some compromises are unfair, because emotional issues have taken precedence over financial ones. If you’re rowing about the balance of costs in the partnership, the lower earner may agree to take more on, in an effort to keep the peace, and could then run into financial difficulties. 

There’s also the risk of compromises that end up not being compromises at all. Men are more likely to say they compromise than women (55% compared to 51%). Women are more likely to say they put off making a decision instead (13% compared to 9%). If we work on the assumption that most couples include a man and a woman, there’s a risk the man assumes they’re compromising while the woman thinks they haven’t made a decision yet.

How to make compromises work for you

1. Consider your red lines. You may, for example, never want to borrow for luxuries. It’s a decent position, and something you don’t need to compromise on.
2. Make sure you have expressed your position clearly, with any reasons and explanations, so your partner can see your perspective.
3. Listen and ask questions to understand your partner’s position and the reasons for it. You can dig deeper, so you can appreciate whether there’s merit in them.
4. Make decisions in the context of your broader financial plans and your budget. It can help to have this written down and in front of you. It means a conversation about spending can be made in the broader context of your overall objectives.
5. When you start your discussion, beware of always being the one to budge. There needs to be some give and take from both of you.
6. Try to address the finances separately from the emotions. You may have cured the disagreement, but what position does it leave you in financially?
7. Revisit the decision after the initial conversation. If the end result leaves you anxious or resentful, it’s probably not the right answer.
8. Talk to a trusted friend or family member. A third party will be able to assess whether the compromise is fair financially.
9. Consider seeing a professional. Think about whether the root of the issue is emotional or financial, and talk about whether professional advice in either area would help.
10. Don’t be afraid to revisit things together. Things change, and your compromises need to flex around those changes.”